漫長的旅程

I feel so tired and even think about this planet....

Really don't know to how to start this blog. This is going to be a totally nonsense blog. I can find a thousand reasons to stop this stupid thinking. But I just need to figure out why I have this kind of feeling again.

Work stress ?? No, even is not easy but still I can handle it well. The only thing I complained for work it not much fun, at least I can not make everyday to have a exciting and creative thing to do. But why should I complain ? Compared with many other peoples, I am super super lucky to have a group of angels in my team.

Loneliness ? hmm, maybe but I rather to say boring. So .. This is it right ? Lack of excitement. I always think you are a super stupid fish, do a lot things to satisfy your skyhigh ego but only learn very little thing from it. (Hey, hold on, can you try to be a little nice to me ? Don't forget you are also part of me, right ?) OK, I am sorry , I forgot the compassion again, Isn't the compassion which support to stay and live so long ? Why am I so easy got frustrated and have such negative feelings ? Despite of what ever vows you ever did, where is the compassion and passion of love ? I didn't see the fire for a long long time. Dear Fish, please let it out, you can do it. I really sure you can make it .

With great love,

Fish

幸福的感覺

原來幸福只在一念之間

Just back from SY's birthday party. I was late due the a customer from Japan have an urgent issue to resolved have to work on weekends. After work and have dinner with a team member it's already 9:40pm. Kind of debating whether I should go or not. When X called around 8:30pm , I told her I probably won't go. But it's S's birthday, I really shouldn't miss. Anyway, make a call to S and told her I'll come.

It's kind of surprise that there are some many people come to SY's house, Beside the people I used to meet in the book club, J from "one village" brought a group of friends play the drums.

Even I was late, still a lot of foods left, several friends asked me to try the deserts, cakes they bought. Even just have a big dinner 20 minutes ago, still , I eat most of them. CY has reserved a bowl of 'Spain Seafood Rice' for me. This is the dish I 'ordered' from SY's husband D. He is a very good cook, I feel a little guilty that don't have stomach to eat that.

Sudently I feel I am so blessing, looked at everybody's smiles, and be able to have a group of friends come together. Really, what else would I expects from life ? Wish everybody can keep the precious moment of their life in the memory and keep reminding him/herself how lucky they are.

When back to home, I still feel so lucky to have so many different of friends. Every friend has his unique characters. You have to admire their unique in order to enjoy that.

卡拉OK的信心

Haven't sing karaoke for a long long time. Used to like it, but after transition, I never have confident to sing in public or actually not even in the shower. Voice is always my weakness in passing, well maybe not face to face, but on the phone.
Having a dinner at C's house tonight, after dinner, she invite everybody to sing karaoke. Maybe I assume at least 7/8 of people at dinner knew my story, this time I finally break the fear and sang three songs. :-) It's kind of relief that you don't have to worry about people will read you from the song you sing.

Am I put too much burden on myself ? Maybe people don't ever care at all. Why I have to worry so much ? Even people suspect, just let them suspect, they will never get any proof, right ?

I am going to reclaim this freedom !

A happy singing fish :-)

魚兒的世界

Have a chat with Q on MSN last night. I shown him a portion of my blog. The first question he asked is : Am I ready to open my blog to public ? :-) I really don't know what to reply, why he is so excited about seeing my blog ? :-) Because my T background ?
Told him that I will need more time to input the Chinese diary on it and the it will take a while.

Kind of feeling tired today, simply just want to back home and relax early. Can I do that ? Sure I knew I can do it and no one will complained. Well the only person will not feel comfortable is You - Fish ! :-) ( I really should be nicer to her, am I ?)

OK, let's decide to leave early and see what will happened ?

Dear Fish,
Here are some reasons that I have to leave early today :
1) I am not in a mood of working this afternoon.
2) All my friends I called didn't get thru, I believe they are having fun.
3) I really deserved a good sleep due to last night I work until 2:00am
4) If I leave early, it might inspire our team members to work more smarter.
5) All the top managers are in SF today for seminar.
6) I need some energy to prepare coming crisis tonight.

Is half dozen of reasons good enough ? ....
So, from the conclusion above, I should leave now !

Love,
Sleeping Fish