理則頓悟，乘悟併銷；事非頓除，因次第盡

Now I understand why the same mistakes been happened and happened again, even I clearly knew it's not a right thing to do . When the test comes, still, I easily follow the habit or gut feeling.

真的，總算了解南老師會強調金剛經的"善護念"了。

Just got called from X while writing this, she is having trouble with herself. Seeing the 'ugly' side of self is always not a pleasant experience. While seeing this ，how can we 'be friend' with it, Just watching it coming out and disappear without too much criticizing.

如果眾生本自具足，為什麼我仍不停地向外馳求 ?

三十年來尋劍客，幾回落葉又抽枝。自從一見桃花後，直至而今更不疑。

I am pretty sure I am still far far far far way from the stage of no doubt.

是不是在我準備好了的時候，考試就會來了 ?

後記：這是我在Skype上一段提醒自己的話：

從細微的地方用心，努力地跳脫慣性，而能持之以恆就是修行。

在過於理性地審視自己時，別忘了最原始而溫柔的初心 。

發現天使部落

While searching for angels, I found I was surrounded by them already!

Just back from the lab. It's 8:30pm at Friday night. There is no company dinners today but most of my team members are still working in the lab. I felt some guility and blessing. How lucky I am to have such a wonderful team. Each team members are dedicated and willing to go extra miles.I felt guilty that to scarifice their family time :-( Really wish to build up a better support system and enough resource to let them enjoy their jobs. Maybe a weekend gathering events in my place to cheer them up.

God ! Thanks for sending me so many angels !

天使養成班

天使養成班

Borrowed a book (天使處處行) from Alearning and read a few stories. Really amazing to know there are so many angels around us. I myself have met angels twice. But one time I didn't recognized him until today :-) Wow, it feels so warm to know we are actually surrounded by so many angels. They are they and ready to provide help as soon as you ask for it.

I made a wish, and want to register to be an angel from now. Is there any form need to be filled or classes to attend ? Will they give you a pair of while wings after you got the angel 'degree' ?

Then I realized, we, all of us are already in the angel training class. The only thing we need to learn is open your heart, fill with love, prey and make a wish. :-) Is that simple ?
Yes, I smiled . Everyday we are assigned a task to learn how to be an angel and when to invite angels. But no one really tells you, but once you start feel it, you got to another level.

Just have a funny thought, there are many people wear robbins. What if we a pair of angel wings ? In this case, angels are most easily to be recognized :-)
Anyway, just a silly idea in the morning, but I still love it ! :-)

記得要對自己好一點哦 !

I constantly forget this important thing : BE NICE TO YOURSELF !

So many times, I am used to take a surgery knife and inspect myself under a magnifier. But seems never try to be friend with myself. (Sorry, Fish ! I keep forgetting this )

Hmm.... OK, what if you are not the one come with the mission ????

Well, that's a very interesting question. How come I never thought about that. In this case, can I , yes, I can just be Fish right ? ! There is no more label, title or mask to wear. Not so many blames to take, and I really should be friend to you, Fish Am I push you too much ? (Well, sometimes, yes, you are a little bit too mean to me, Fish !)

OK, let's make a deal. (what deal ?? Aren't 'we' suppose to be one soul ??) OK, let me rephase it.

This is a lesson for you : Always remember to forgive and forget yourself. I knew you are not used to find executes for your behavior. But you never need excuses, just watch it happened and complete. Simply BE and have more conversation with the loving kid inside you. You are a kid always, (well, even you are an 'old' soul)

OK, I will try to remember this and let the loving kid out. Thanks a lot for this conversation , Fish !

I love you !

I love you, too ! ;-)

PS: BTW, since whatever a kid does, doesn't need an excuse, you don't need to worry about the mask, mirage anymore. You will see it whenever necessary. As a kid, your mission is play :-) (Am I too nice to you already ??)

夾岸桃花風雨後 馬蹄何處避殘紅

原來事情竟是這麼簡單。

On the way to work, passed by a row of 桃花 tree. Really really love the light pink color. Don't even recall when they start moving all over the trees ? They seem to decide to reveal themselves in one midnight meeting, Then the next day, the surprising cute pinky flowers just claim their new terrtories.

They just 'being' there at this specific time and place. It's time for them to bloosm then they blossom, it's time to leave the tree, then they fall down. Things are as simple as this. Do you ever see they wear a mask and pretend a spring time in the winter or refuse to leave the tree top when it's time to rest ?

What and why I have to hide the feelings. Avoid embarrassing ? Have no guts ? Or simply not able to be a human ?

請問 你找的是 她 或者是 他 ?

Just finished a conference call at home while have my MSN chat with another T-friend in Australia asking some laws in US. Then CN called to follow up some conversation we have in the office this afternoon. It's regarding definition of happiness and what I am going to do with my life. Hmm.... Really HUGE question. We discussed from my plan for the surgery, to marriage , achievement at work, whether happiness should built on most people's happiness or not and ..... My future partner. Things are getting more and more interesting.

Here is our conversation :

Am I feel lonely sometime ?

yes and no. Isn't that's why I need a job ?

Do I plan to have a boy or a girl friend ?
I am not sure. Can I have both ? (just kidding)

Should she introduce a boy or a girl friend to me ?
For guys , I haven't found one I want to date with. For woman, hmm... I don't think I am qualified for that. Or I should said , it too troublesome to deal with all kind of family , relationship issues again. I surely don't want hurt anybody again.

Ok, ok, I knew I should be nicer to myself, but I already spoil Fish too much :-)
Isn't there a song said :

其實一個人的生活也不算太壞，
有時有一些小小的悲哀，
我想別人也看不出來。
即使孤單會使我傷懷，
也會試著讓自己想得開。

Do you think will two incomplete souls make a complete soul ? or two sadder souls ?
I am not saying I lost confidence about people but really don't want become other people's burden. (who say my egos are become smaller ??)

Fear ！ yes, I smell fear again. (You are getting better and better in checking this, Fish )
But will love really overcome this ?? I knew love is something I have shortage but refuse to accept. :-(

Don't you think I am a typical female Pisces ?

可以炫耀的孤獨 ?

Just have a strange thought.

Does loneliness is another symbol or something that we used to differentiate us from others ?
I knew most of time I actually enjoy the loneliness. ( Hey, do you mixed up with freedom ?)
There are a lot of people doesn't have luxuary to tell others they are lonely. When you struggle for a day to day life, running around for preparing meals, kids, schools and works, are they allowed to say - I am so lonely ?

There is always a corner in our heart that is reserved for some special one to explore, but this special someone may never come or you met him / her in the daily life but don't have guts to let him / her know. ------------ hmmm. 我又離題了。

Anyway, just want to put a seed here, maybe we can explore this topic later when you have time.

沒有頭銜的我，會是什麼樣的人?

What will you be, after remove these titles ?

Just having a lunch with a friend, we are talking about self awareness , egos, and confidence.
She keep saying she doesn't have much confidence, due to lack of working experience or achievement. To me, she is a wonderful person, intelligent, has sense of humor , trustful and share a lot of thought and feeling.

One the way back to work, have another conversation with myself again, what will I be, if I don't own the title of manager ? Didn't have pretty history on resume, or high pay job ? Will people still treat as before and think I am their friend ? Let's said we are in a war, and everybody runs for their life. What will the 'native' you be ? Just a human - I said. Then what' makes you different from others ? What kind of personality will earn people's trust and respect ?

If you use this, to re-investigate the people around you, when the wealth, social status, nationality or even marriage relationship are gone, who will really earn your respect ? How much confidence you have you will still be treated as a 'good' friends from the people you know ?

I knew - she will still the same person to me. As to other people ? I only have 70% confidence.